Flashbacks

Four years ago, I was on full bedrest in our hospital's antepartum unit. It was day 8 of bedrest, and I had just passed my initial goal of making it to May 1st. We already had 2 April birthdays in our family, and I was hoping that there wouldn't be another arrival...an arrival way too soon for my liking.

My blood pressure was still climbing as severe preeclampsia was deepening its hold on me. I spent most of my time in a darkened room because I had had some uncontrolled twitching where my head jerked to my left side. My doctors didn't want me to have visitors except for my DH, and I couldn't have phone calls since the ringing would set me into twitching mode.

I was resolved to stick it out as long as I could, but I'll be honest. I was secretly hoping that the doctors would say, "it's time." It didn't happen that day 3 years ago, and yes, I did know that more time in utero is better. I knew that, but this was my 2nd horrible experience with severe preeclampisa. I was slowly losing my grip on my sanity as I stayed indoors in the dark, and this was day 8. My next goal was to make it to Cinco de Mayo, the 5th of May, and it looked like I might make it.

I had noticed that my baby was moving around less and less so I took it upon myself to poke him/her as much as I could to keep up the stimulation. This was beginning to bother me and the nurses were beginning to record decels on my non-stress tests and BPPs. My amniotic fluid was dropping off, and at the end of May 1st, 2004, I noticed that my vision was suddenly changing. Straight lines appeared squiggly to me, and I thought, "Oh no, it is happening again. This is what happened when I was pregnant with Gracie 2 years ago."

Gosh I was stressed out, but calm all at the same time. It was sort of a calm before the storm of Meghan's birth on May 3rd. Hind sight is always 20 20, but I hope that I did my best to take care of Miss Meghan that day.