Friday, November 14, 2008

Laternenacht 2008

As we left the minivan, Meghan exclaimed, "No Grandma! I can do it." Meghan's 4-year old independent self wouldn't allow for Grandma to help her out of the van. I smiled at her indignant response, and so did Grandma Kathy.

As the girls found the side walk, they both asked for their lanterns. We reassured them that they would be able to carry them once we got inside the gym, where the singing program would take place. Suddenly, Meghan took off running down the sidewalk. The pom pons on her pink hat bounced in cadence with her steps.

"Meggie! Please don't get too far ahead. There are a lot of people and cars around here. We don't want to lose you," I shouted. Gracie ran after Meghan. As she skipped along, her long blond hair shook in the light of the street lamps.

It was Laternenacht at the girls' school, which is a politically correct version of Martinstag, a German holiday celebrating Saint Martin and his good deeds. Laternenacht is a big deal for these grade schoolers. They had been preparing with their teachers for weeks by making lanterns and practicing the traditional German songs such as Laterne, Laterne.

This year, we arrived early enough to find a spot near the front of the gym. We camped out, and gave each of the girls their lanterns. The folded accordion-style paper of the girls' lantern lights glowed. They were traditional style German lanterns in the shape of a ball. Two round metal wires held each ball together. (A big thank you goes to Zoe and Sam, who gave them to Grace and Meghan as gifts.)


















Soon afterward, the singing program began. A few volunteers played guitars and a blurry overhead projector showed everyone the words to the songs. The children, very obviously, knew all of the words and melodies by heart. Grace and Meghan sang their little hearts out, and when the entirely auf Deutsch program was finished, they quickly stood up and put their coats on.
















Laterne, Laterne

Laterne, Laterne, Sonne, Mond und Sterne!
Brenne auf, mein Licht! Brenne auf, mein Licht, aber nur meine liebe Laterne nicht.


















After a short 20 minute sing along, we all went outside for the lantern procession. It was a crisp fall evening, and leaves crunched under our feet. I held Meghan's hand, and she would periodically whine that she wanted to be carried. Charlie eventually put her on his shoulders for a ride. Grace proudly carried her lantern, but eventually ended up skipping and hopping along. Her lantern fell off its perch a few times, but was no less for a little wear and tear.





















It was our second Laternenacht but will be one of many we'll attend in the coming years. Time is speeding up as my girls go full speed into their school years. I soaked in the memories as I'm sure I'll eventually reflect on nights like Laternenacht as some of the best of my life.
















We reached the end of the procession and piled back into the mini-van. We decided to get some ice cream as a treat and then put the kids to bed. Ah to be a kid again...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Just When I Think She Understands

Just when I think Gracie understands about Alpha-1, she blind sides me with her youth and immaturity. All of her misunderstanding is completely age appropriate, but leaves me feeling a bit unsettled. Perhaps she stirs up my own denial? I have a hard time remembering that kids need order and not confusion in their lives. Grace's ability to create her own order is quite strong especially since she is innately a worrier. I wonder when or if she'll begin to worry about Alpha-1. Anyway...

Tonight, we attended our local Alpha-1 support group meeting. Grace has always been the kind of kid who asks me questions...questions about anything...and I do mean anything. Tonight was no exception.

"Maaaaahhhhhhmmmmmmm," Grace whispered with a drawn out exhale.

"What honey?"

As she pointed to a teenage boy sitting in a wheel chair at the back of the room, she said, "What is wrong with him?"

"Oh honey! That is just Michael. He is sitting in his mom's wheel chair. Michael pushes his mom in that chair."

"Which one is his mom?"

As I pointed to his mom, I said, "Over there in the yellow and green jacket..."

Grace responded, "What is wrong with her then?"

"She has Alpha-1 just like you, Gracie. Her lungs are pretty sick, and she gets very tired if she walks too far. Michael pushes his mom in her wheel chair so she can come to our Alpha Friends meetings. Isn't that nice he does that for his mom?"

As those words came out of my mouth, I was multitasking. Inside, I was thinking about all the little conversations I've had with her about Alpha-1. I know that each conversation doesn't add up to much unless you string them all together for a larger result. I guess I had misjudged her ability to understand what I had explained. This is the hard part of being a parent to a child with Alpha-1. There is no book of rules or carefully detailed explanations...just me and my mixed up assessments of what she can and can not handle. I know that there are no right or wrong answers. I know that I am probably one of the best people who can judge what she can and can not handle, but yes, I make mistakes or make errors in judgement.

"Uh huh Mommy. That's nice," she replied. Her expression said more than her words though. Worry washed over her.

"I don't have sick lungs," she replied flatly.

"We are going to take care of you Gracie even if you get sick lungs, but most people with Alpha-1 get sick lungs when they are adults. You have a long time before you are an adult, and hopefully the doctors will find something to fix sick lungs before then."

"I don't want sick lungs, Mom."

"I know Grace. I don't want you or Meghan to ever have sick lungs, but we don't know what will happen. Let's remember to be happy that you have good lungs and a good liver now. Okay?"

"I guess so, Mom."

Insert heart pains stabbing Mom Jen's mommy heart here.

Tomorrow, hope will return to me. I have moments of weakness and denial though. It is so hard to not be able to make Alpha-1 just pack its suit case and hit the road. I can't take a light saber and stab it out of existence. I can't banish it from our lives. I can't control it or how it will make Grace and Meghan's life different. All I can do is hope and pray and banish my fears. My fears do no good. My fears need to fly into the fray...where they can't hurt me or my girls.

I'm off to call on the angels to whisper their soothing, healing melodies while I sleep.

November is Prematurity Awareness Month



November is Prematurity Awareness Month.
















A little more than 6 years ago, I learned that my first baby would be born too soon at 34 weeks gestation. My precious cargo, Grace Ann, entered this world early because of my preeclampsia. She was my biggest baby weighing in at 3 pounds, 14.5 ounces, and 17 1/2 inches long. She had difficulty breathing, eating, and growing. To this day, Grace still deals with issues related to her prematurity, but nonetheless is doing well in first grade. Can she really be 6 already? Wow! I'm eternally grateful for Grace and the wonderful neonatal care she received.















A little more than 4 years ago, I learned that my second baby would be born extremely too early at 27 weeks gestation. My tiny peanut, Meghan Rose, was born a preemie because I developed preeclampsia yet again. She was unbelievably small to me weighing in at just 725 grams, aka 1 pound, 9.5 ounces, and 13 inches long. She was called a micropreemie, and proved herself to be a fighter every scary step of the way. Today, she is in kindergarten, and keeping up with her classmates even though she is still very tiny. We're happy she is growing, albeit ever so slowly, but she is happy and quite the character...ever so feisty like she was in her incubator.

Every day 1 in 8 babies born in the U.S. arrives too soon. Premature birth can happen to any pregnant woman. It is a serious, common, and costly problem. The March of Dimes is leading the campaign to reduce premature birth by supporting research and by educating the public and health care providers.

In tribute to the miracle baby survivors of preeclampsia, please consider donating to the March of Dimes. I would be so proud if you could. Grace & Meghan thank you too.

Jen, mom of Grace & Meghan

Writer's Block

Experiencing some writer's block lately...

Soon, I'll feel like writing again.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Quote

I say this quote today, and it really spoke to me:

"Falling down isn't failure. Failing to get back up again is."

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Historic Day

Both Grace and Meghan came home talking about Barack Obama. They must have discussed the election in school today.

I'm sure when I wake them up in the morning, that they will be pleased with the election results. I know I am.

This mama is for Obama.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Rake, rake, rake

Peering out the front window
Yellow, orange, and brown leaves blowing

Rake, rake, rake

Your child sized hands clasp the handle
Working hard at being a big kid

Rake, rake, rake

Holding the handle awkwardly
Barely moving any leaves

Rake, rake, rake

Heaving sighs
Wiping your brow

Rake, rake, rake

But helping and learning
Morphing in front of my eyes

Rake, rake, rake

Giving me tears of joy
Knowing your childhood time is flying by

Grow, grow, growing mama's love for you

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Two Fairies

I hadn't seen them for two days. The car door opened, and Meghan seemed to erupt from inside. Her long blond locks twisted with the breeze, and her size 9s jumped up and down with glee.

"Hi Mommy!"

Grace emerged next, as Meghan sprinted toward me at our front door. Gracie seemed more subdued, but she smiled a wide grin. She shouted, "Hi Mom! When does trick or treat start? In like twenty minutes?" Why she likes to think that 20 minutes is a long time, I'm not quite sure, but it is so endearing. I giggled as Meghan squeezed her spindly arms around my thighs to hug me as I held the door open.

"Grace, it starts in about an hour and a half."

"Okay Mom. When can we get our costumes on?" It was the day...Halloween Day, which to the girls is code for mass quantities of candy. It is also a day of reflection for me as I've watched them grow up so quickly in the last 4-6 years. Very soon, they'll be telling me that they are too old for trick or treat.

It was a surprisingly warm fall day here in Wisconsin with a high of 71. That alone was reason to celebrate, and this year, the girls wouldn't need to be bundled up like Ralphie's brother, Randy, in A Christmas Story.

As the sun began to set, the girls' excitement oozed from every pore, and it was hard to contain their enthusiasm in the boundaries of our house and yard. They scarfed down pizza and bread sticks in a hurry, and readied themselves with light-up glowing jewelery and plastic pumpkin candy buckets.

As I slid their costumes over their heads, wriggled and squiggled them into warm tights, and kissed each cheek, they nearly hovered off the ground in their anticipation. Their fairy costumes of Silver Mist and Barbie Mariposa were complete.

The start time arrived, and they bolted out the front door. Darkness had set, but the sound of the leaves blowing around the neighborhood added to the ambiance of the night. Princesses, goblins, ghosts, and pirates scampered from house to house. Grace and Meghan's fairy costumes blended right in with the rest. Parents stood on the sidewalk waiting to escort their dressed up children, and my heart fell even more in love with my girls.

My nieces and nephew joined us for the evening, and with the five of them combined, it very much reminded me of my time with my siblings. How quickly that passed! Chloe wore the same costume her mama, Kristen, did when we were kids. I could go on and on, but pictures reveal more than I could ever write of my reflections on last night.

Enjoy!










Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Getting the Word Out

About Alpha-1, that is...

I'm over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs today:

http://www.5minutesforspecialneeds.com/553/but-were-not-like-that-mom/

Come on over and check out this one of a kind special place for parents who've been blessed to be mommy or daddy to special needs kids.

36 Today

Monday, October 27, 2008

Godmama

Yesterday, I became this precious little miracle's Godmama. Isn't she stunning? I'm so honored Hailey.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Out for the count

This particular stomach flu bug is awful. Yes, it has gotten to me. Ewwwwwwwwww!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Stomach Flu

Well, poor miss Meghan has come down with the stomach flu. She has been throwing up since 7:30pm tonight. I hope the rest of us do not catch it.

I'm thinking healing thoughts for Meggie. She is miserable.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Please

I won't explain but can I ask that you send prayers or positive thoughts for my family right now? This is simply a private matter and no, I won't share the reason, but I do ask for prayers/positive thoughts.

Thank you.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Amaze Me

My precious miracle, Meggie
You continue to amaze me

As the way your smile
Curls up to reveal sparkles in your eyes

As your tiny frame
Hides under your oversized clothes

As you reveal a boo-boo on your knee
Waiting for Mommy's special kissies

As the warmth of you smells sweet
As you lean in for some love

As your fresh youth
Exudes from your being

And your radiant laugh
Erodes my adult essence

Reminding me that my melancholy
Will be transient

And you will always love me
As I love you

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Music to the ears?

School Update

Gosh, I haven't done an update in quite a long time. We just attended parent/teacher conferences for both of the girls a few days ago. Here is a little of what we learned about each of them from their teachers:

Grace
When we first arrived at the conference, Grace was with us. The teacher gave Grace some instructions in German, and it was so incredible to see her rapidly understand his words. Gracie has been doing quite well in first grade thus far. Her teacher, Herr Hasse, told us that she is a leader in the classroom, and that he likes it when she volunteers to work on something in front of the class at the chalkboard. He feels that the kids learn better from each other rather than from just listening to him teach all day long. Honestly, I was a little surprised (but secretly beaming with pride) to hear him say this because Grace has always been one to shy away from attention. Yet I suppose she would want to help others because that is her basic nature. Overall, she got a great report, and he also indicated that Grace's handwriting has much improved since the beginning of the year. I was glad to hear that since her fine motor control has always been an issue for her. Charlie bought her several pencil grips to help with her finger position while using a pencil. That seems to have helped her. :) YAY

Meghan
Meghan was so proud to have us find out how she was doing in K4. "I'm a good gurl in K4, Mom." Frau Savignac tells that Meghan has adjusted well to her new surroundings at the German School. She reports that Meghan is following directions appropriately and has participated in the class well. She is making friends now too. She frequently mentions Sophia and Emma, who her teacher tells us are just as "peanuty small" as Meghan. :) I asked if Meghan was using German words, and Frau S. told us that she uses some at the appropriate times. The primary goal of K4 is to acclimate to the German language and acquire vocabulary. Meghan will need to know her numbers from 1-10, colors, and work on writing her first name in upper and lower letters. Overall, she is doing well. :) YAY

So, there were no surprises. This mama likes it when there are no surprises.

Way to grow girls. Mama loves you!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Violin

Gracie has begun violin lessons, and she is really quite proud. She asks to practice and shows off her new music stand, violin, and bow. I'm so pleased to see her take an interest in an activity. In fact just today, she said, "Mom, I wouldn't want to take dance lessons because I would have to dance different from how I want to dance. I like to dance by myself so I can dance how I want." Go ahead Grace! You dance to your own tune...the violin. (And, um, never mind that you dance like Elaine on Seinfeld.) LOL



C'mon! You know you want to come over to hear Grace's newfound musical talents. You know you do!

PS: I tried for over an hour to upload a short video to no success.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Harvest Time

In late spring, Grace, Meghan, and I planted some flower seeds along with some corn and carrots. Some of you may know that I'm not overly "child project oriented" but this was my attempt. A lot of our plants never even sprouted, but we got a few things to grow.

Our flower crop has come and gone, but we brought the fall harvest in today. Unfortunately, our corn plants succumbed to some frost but the carrots survived. :) They are all oddly shaped, but we hope they'll taste good.

Today, we enjoyed one of the last warm days of Fall before the cold stuff comes back with a vengence. I can't wait for spring. Enjoy my mop-topped farm gals!





Photography by Daddy























Friday, October 10, 2008

Here We Go

Today, I'm over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. Come on over and check it out:

http://www.5minutesforspecialneeds.com/467/here-we-go/

I promise you'll love all of the writers there.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

The Wait

5 Minutes for Special Needs

Recently, I've rediscovered the creative side of me that uses poetry as expression and story telling. Here is an example of the "Me Time" I've recaptured:

Marble floor
Worn with time
Cold on my skin
While sitting

And waiting

New parents
Wonder if
They've found
The right place

And waiting

I watch
The long hallway
Anticipating
Your skips and hops

And waiting

Your sister
Climbs on my back
Connects her hands
Around my neck

And waiting

I feel
Her warmth
And excitement
And need to see you

And waiting

I finally
See your eyes
Connect with me
Seeding my soul

And waiting

You dart
And run
Dragging
Your backpack

And waiting

I realize
You've grown
But still need me
My special Gracie

Annika Got the Call

There are a few bloggers who have captured my heart and attention over the past years. Moreena of Falling Down is Also a Gift is one of those bloggers, and announced this morning that her daughter, Annika, has been called for her 3rd gift of life. Annika is such a beauty, strength, and life force, and Moreena often documents Annika's ever present life philosophies. :)

This is such a wonderful birthday present for Moreena, and I pray that the transplant goes smoothly. Please consider positive thoughts/prayers for Annika, her family, and the organ donor's family.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Thursday, October 02, 2008

5 Minutes for Special Needs

By now, you all know that I love to write. Correct? ;)

Well, I've agreed to be a guest blogger every Friday in October at a web site called 5 Minutes For Special Needs. It aims to bring parents of special needs children the support, insight, and inspiration they need to be the best parents they can possibly be.

Special Needs Blog

My first post will be up tomorrow (Friday). Come check it out! There are amazing, inspiring parents there who help us all to remember that special needs children are children first and foremost. Their lives are not defined by their physical or mental limitations.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Why I Support Newborn Screening for Alpha-1

I'll never forget the moments when Grace's pediatric gastroenterologist sat Charlie and I down in some rocking chairs in the NICU and said some words I couldn't quite comprehend. She had diagnosed Grace with Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency.

According to the Alpha-1 Foundation, the occurrence of Alpha-1 is approximately 1 in every 2500 births. So, why is it that Alpha-1 is so under recognized? I admit that I had never heard of it before Grace was diagnosed.

"Alpha-1 what? How do you spell that? Can you say that again?" were some of the questions I uttered in my state of shock. So if you take that birth rate for Alpha-1 and apply that to the US population, that means there are about 100,000 people with Alpha-1 in the United States. Less than 10% of those Alphas are diagnosed.

So where did all the Alphas go? Well, a lot of those Alphas are living their lives without the knowledge that they may be slowly losing lung or experiencing liver decline. They don't know that they should be protecting themselves from cigarette smoke, maintaining a healthy body weight for good liver health, or paying attention to air quality.

Most Alphas don't know that they are Alphas.

Some of these Alphas have symptoms already. They chalk it up to being out of shape. They might be diagnosed with COPD, a catch-all term for pulmonary issues. They are accused of being smokers or alcoholics. They are alone without critical information to help them. They don't know that there is a treatment for Alpha-1. There are intravenously administered products which replace the Alpha-1 protein in the bloodstream. This medicine doesn't correct lung damage already sustained, but it can slow lung decline.

So where am I going with this rambling? My children are diagnosed, and I view that as a blessing. I am helping them to assimilate Alpha-1 into their lives. It will not come as a shock to them that they have Alpha-1. They already call themselves Alphas, and while they may not completely understand that, I can help them to understand as they grow. Therein lies my power in this situation. I do have some control. I can help them. I may not save their lives from Alpha-1, but I can remind them everyday that they have lives and to enjoy each moment like it is their last.

Each individual with Alpha-1 follows his/her own path on the journey of Alpha-1. There is no way to predict how or when Alpha-1 will run its course. As a proud "mama bear" to two beauties with Alpha-1, it is often difficult for me to acknowledge the true reality of what that means, but I strongly believe that information is power when it comes to being diagnosed early with Alpha-1. I realize that genetic discrimination is still possible, but because Alpha-1 is so influenced by environment as well as life choices, I’m still for newborn screening. The members of the Alpha-1 community are ready and standing by to support the families whose children are diagnosed at birth.

This is why I felt so incredibly honored when the Alpha-1 Foundation asked me to share my perspective on newborn screening at its 11th critical issues workshop titled “The Promise and Challenge of GINA: Is It Time for Newborn Screening for Alpha-1?” on September 18-19, 2008. Fellow Alpha dad, Brad Z., also eloquently shared his perspective on the pros and cons of newborn screening at the workshop.

The workshop’s objectives were to:
• Debate the challenges and possibilities of adding Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency to the panel of disorders tested for at birth.
• Produce a concrete set of recommendations to the Alpha-1 Foundation on how it should proceed in the field of newborn screening. A multi-disciplinary team of medical professionals, Alpha-1 community members, and representatives of Alpha-1 organizations gathered to contribute to the formation of recommendations for how the Alpha-1 Foundation should proceed with newborn screening. The two-day workshop included a history of newborn screening, the basics of Alpha-1, a Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act (GINA) overview, testing methods, benefits of early detection, lessons from past newborn screening for Alpha-1 in Sweden and Oregon, and parent perspectives.

On the second day, participants broke into three groups to form recommendations based on policy, rationale, and feasibility of newborn screening for Alpha-1. Ideas were shared, and opinions were formed. The Alpha-1 Foundation will publish a report on the results of the workshop.

Perspective Again

One of my favorite writers is Christy Everett, who writes Following Elias The Boy That Could. Today, I was reading one of her posts about having perspective, and found these precious words of wisdom. I'm feeling inspired by her ability to articulate what I've always believed. Thanks Christy.

Children teach us who we are. Our limits, our strengths, our black holes, our hidden pearls.

All children do this.

But a deeper lesson rides on the wings of babies who enter the world on the brink of death.

They teach us not just about our own limitations but about the finite aspect of time.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Fly with the Angels

There are not adequate words to say the Earth lost a precious little human being named Gavin. May you rest in peace, and may your family find solace.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Struggling

I know this post is unlike my usual entries, but today, I'm struggling. I'm tired and am having a hard time focusing on the things I need to do. My work load is piling up and deadlines are looming. Honestly, at this moment, it is hard to see my way out of it.

I know I will get myself through this round of projects, but gosh, I feel like running and hiding. It doesn't help that I'm fending off a nasty virus and sleep has been difficult to say the very least for me.

The girls are picking up on the stress level, and we've seen some unfavorable behaviors. I know this too shall pass, but I need a break. Sometimes being a professional, a mommy, a wife, a friend, and a volunteer doesn't leave much time for me. I'm depleted and exhausted.

I'm not looking for sympathy rather I'm venting all of this stress here so I can begin to feel better. There are much worse things I can think of that could be happening to me, but right now, I'm having a hard time with my load.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Mama, Mama, Mom!

Mama, Mama, Mom!
I made this for you
It's simply beautiful
My, oh, my

A little piece of love
Wrapped in a roll of tape
Awkwardly folded
Unfolding layers of my heart
Imprinted love bolded

Mama, Mama, Mom!
Look at mine
Wow, you did a great job
My, oh, my

Blue sky eyes gleaming
Golden locks lit by laughter
Emblazoning memories
To last a lifetime
Bouncing away shimmery

Mama, Mama, Mom!
Never forget
How, they changed your life
My, oh, my

Friday, September 19, 2008

Newborn Screening for Alpha-1 Antityrpsin Deficiency

The Newborn Screening Workshop is completed. I'm home now from Arlington, and well, I'm jumping for joy.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!! Okay, since I don't have a drum roll audio file, how about some fireworks then? ;)



The Alpha-1 Foundation will pursue a pilot study to assess the feasibility of screening newborns for Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. WOOHOO! I'm just so excited to have been part of the process of coming to this multi-disciplinary decision in the workshop. It was an honor to present a parent's perspective, and a privilege to have contributed in the workshop overall.

I've got a great big smile on my face as I've wanted this since Grace was diagnosed in 2002. WOOHOO! It is a banner day.

The results of the workshop will be put together in an official publication and available sometime in October for those of you interested in the results. See the Alpha-1 Foundation website for further information.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Fix You

I'm feeling a bit panicked about Gavin, and thought I'd send these lyrics to him since his Mom has this song on his blog. Please pray or send positive thoughts for him. He really needs them.

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Live from Arlington, VA

I'm live from Arlington, VA at the Alpha-1 Foundation's Critical Issues Workshop: The Promise and Challenge of GINA: Is it time for Newborn Screening for Alpha-1?

I was honored to have been invited to co-present the Parent's Perspective on Newborn Screening for Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency session. Most of you know that I love to write, and well I opted out of a formal presentation. Instead, I chose to narrate an essay I wrote, on the plane ride here, for my audience. I told the story of Grace's diagnosis surrounded with some of my opinion. On the overhead projector, I put a picture of Grace and Meghan up to make sure the doctors attending the workshop had real faces to go with the "theoretical" ideas of newborn screening they were discussing. I think the presentation went well. A few people thanked me for my thoughts, which was nice. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I would get. Another one of the Alpha dads, Brad, presented too. He did a great job.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the essay I wrote...now that I'm re-reading it, I'd like it to be more concise, but it isn't bad for a first draft. haha

I grew up with a mother who worked as a clinical nurse specialist in obstetrics. Along the way, I listened to her discuss newborn screening tests that her team's would administer. So, I had an advantage of understanding some of the metabolic disorders such as PKU, fatty acid oxidation disorders, and cystic fibrosis when I went to the hospital to have my first baby. I remember being reassured that I would likely know if something genetic had "landed" on my child.

Unfortunately, I developed a serious complication of pregnancy called severe preeclampsia, and I became very ill with a baby failing to grow, stroke-worthy high blood pressure, as well as failing kidneys. Yet, here I am alive and standing before you thanks to magnesium sulfate.

My daughter, Grace, was delivered six weeks early weighing in at 3 pounds, 14.5 ounces. She was quickly assessed and sent to the NICU. There, she rapidly developed jaundice and received phototherapy. Her total bili was 30.

Jaundice is expected in premature babies, but after two weeks, Grace's natural color was returning. However, our neonatologist indicated that something might be wrong with her liver or bile ducts because her direct jaundice levels hadn't resolved. Close to that time, we received the results of Grace's newborn screening. I sighed a sigh of relief when it all came back normal.

This soothed some of my worries about Grace's jaundice, and I figured it was just an immature liver from being born too early. A few days later, a pediatric gastroenterologist from our local children's hospital found my husband and I in the NICU. We didn't know she was coming. Grace's team had grown concerned by her pale stools and the fact that she had lost 14 ounces since being born. The GI doctor immediately started asking us questions about a family history of liver or lung disease. We couldn't remember any and were quite confused by her questions.

Then, the GI said that she suspected that Gracie had Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. "Alpha what?" My husband and I sat there stunned. I remember asking her to say it again because I had not heard of it. I searched my brain trying to recall if I'd ever heard my mom say those words. Nope. The GI doctor then explained that it was genetic and that my husband and I might carry genes for the condition.

Suddenly, I remembered Grace's newborn screening results, and I interrupted. "Um, but her newborn screening all came back normal. This can't be right." Well, I was wrong. Grace did have ZZ Alpha-1, and I was about to enter very uncharted territory. She became sicker and sicker, and we were introduced to the idea of a liver transplant as a possibility. I began absorbing any kind of information I could get on Alpha-1, which in 2002 wasn't much, and there was very little information on the liver. I somehow stumbled upon a message board for Alpha-1 and left Grace's story there. A few weeks later, a wonderful woman named Mary answered me. Her son had had a liver transplant, and she took me "under her wing." I learned more and more, and along that learning path, Grace's liver issues began to resolve around six months old. We were ecstatic, but then faced a different challenge. How the heck would we raise Gracie with the knowledge she had Alpha-1?

Obviously, when you learn you contributed genes for a life threatening condition to your child, there is a process you go through -- a big thing called grief, followed by guilt. It took some time to work through the stages of grief and arrive at acceptance, but we did it. And, we also gained some much needed insight from Alpha-1.

Life is not guaranteed. Grace was not guaranteed. We suddenly knew how to find joy in simple things. That may sound very cliche, but it is true. Alpha-1 is a blessing because it led me to my beautiful daughter, Grace, and another micro-preemie miracle, Meghan. Both of our daughters have ZZ Alpha-1.

Their journey with Alpha-1 led me to this community of brave women, men, and children appreciating their gift of life with Alpha-1 and sometimes with donated organs. There is just something so very special about Alphas - something bright of spirit and heart. I can't quite form the right words to describe them, but I do know this:

Identifying children with Alpha-1 at birth is needed. Proper treatment and protections can be put into place to ensure damage to the lungs and liver are minimized. We teach our girls to avoid exposure to cigarette smoke, excessive dust or fumes, and to tell us if they think a cold virus has affected their breathing. We stay inside on poor air quality days, and overall, encourage proper nutrition along with a healthy weight.

These are all common sense health habits, but they help Alphas. I've met far too many adult Alphas who wished they never smoked or just took general good care of themselves. I know that there is not a lot of research to say these measures we take will actually benefit my children, but here is a benefit I've found through experience:

My daughters have a healthy understanding of their Alpha-1 from an emotional and psychological viewpoint. Because they've grown up with Alpha-1, it is their normal. In fact, if they were here today, they would willingly introduce themselves as Alphas.

They attend support group meetings where they have other child peers, and they understand some kids get "new" livers. So, while I support newborn testing, I also understand that a follow-up support system must be in place after a diagnosis. We've been very lucky to have found other families who have diagnosed children living in our area. Before newborn screening can be valuable, we'll need a support system solidly in place for parents and children.

Thank you for letting me share my perspective. In my opinion, information is power. We need newborn screening, and here I am ready to help with that initiative. It was an honor to be here today, and I'll leave you with one last thought:

Long live the Alphas!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Gavin in PICU

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that Gavin had been passed over with his gift of life. Well, it happened a 2nd and 3rd time. Now, he has been moved to the PICU, and honestly, it appears he needs many positive thoughts and prayers. So, please, if you can spare some, please send them to a sweet Gavin. He really needs them.

You can visit his blog here: http://giftforgavin.org/

Thanks!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sunday, September 07, 2008

When You Were Little

"Mom, when you were little, did you want kids?"

"Well, I don't think I did Gracie. I was too busy having fun as a little girl to want to have babies. When I became an adult, I wanted to have babies."

"Good! I don't want to have babies. I might want some when I'm an adult, but I'd rather have kittens instead."

"Yes, kittens are nice. Aren't they?"

"Yes! I love kittens. They are so cute and cuddly. Plus, I don't ever want to change diapers. They are so stinky," she added as she plugged her nose.

Chefs' Imaginary Paradise

Young chefs' imaginary paradise
It's cookies and ballet for today
Lemon, chocolate chip, butterscotch
Hip, hop, skip, plié

Ding, they are ready now!
Ut oh! They've burned
Throw them all out!
No! shrieks the younger

Those are my cookies
Momma scans the scene
My cookies are not burned!
They are not burned!

Arms folded, foot stomping
Fine then. They're melted though
Yay! Yummy melty lemon cookies
Tutus bouncing on their young frames

Dancing, imaginary cookie eatin' chefs
Momma's heart meltin'

The Things My Baby Says....

Meghan watched me pull on a Badger t-shirt yesterday, and said, "Mommy, it looks like you have a baby in your tummy."

I guess the fact that I have lost 15 pounds since mid-July hasn't done much for my stomach.

LOL

_______________________________________________

Here is another:

As I was helping put conditioner on Grace's hair while she was in shower, Meghan said, "Mommy, you used to be so sweet. Now, you are mean."

Her precious Daddy was away on a much-needed get away from the kids and wife weekend, and she was missing him terribly. A few stinging heart pains later, and I replied, "When I raise my voice Meghan, it is to get your attention. Why don't you try listening the first time and then maybe I won't sound so mean...even though I don't think I was being mean. You are lucky to have a mommy like me, who loves you and expects the best behavior from her daughters who I know are able to be well behaved."

Too bad I lost her attention at "When I..."

LOL

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The Bloggess

WARNING: If you are even slightly offended in any way, please do not read any further. A post by The Bloggess has given me one of the largest cases of the giggles ever:

The Bloggess

So, please do not click on the link unless you aren't offended by crude language!

I know this is outside the scope of my typical blog posts, but I really, really, really needed to laugh until it hurts. I bow in reverence to The Bloggess and continue to wipe tears of laughter off my face. Lego better watch out!

An Alpha's First Day of School...and Grace Off to First Grade

Sigh. I have two children in school now. How did that happen? How did they grow up so incredibly "in the blink of an eye" fast? Both of the girls will now be learning entirely in German so they'll be fluent by fifth grade...which is amazing to me. I'm sure they'll have secret stories to tell each other in German along the way, and I'll have a puzzled look on my face, hoping that they aren't making fun of me. LOL ;)

Meghan had her first day of 4-year old kindergarten today, which was actually an open house to visit and learn the surroundings. She has the same teacher (Frau Savignac) that Gracie had, about which we were pleased. Overall, I think Megs did great. She was a bit nervous, and kept bouncing/jumping around though. I would call it nervous energy.

Gracie began first grade, and has her first male teacher, Herr Hasse. She was very nervous last night about it, but I quickly reminded her that she would not have to know something before Herr Hasse took the time to teach her about it first. This soothed her, and made me smile. On the way out the door this morning, I asked that the girls pose for pictures in front of our house. Unfortunately, I asked her to remove her hat and sunglasses so I would be able to see her face in the pictures. Well, this was not well received, and we had a "battle" of sorts. I had to threaten a time out before she "half-way" cooperated. You'll see anger in some of the pictures. She isn't a fan of change, and I think it came out in the form of her trying to control things a bit. :)

So, the school year is off to a start now. Homework for Gracie is just around the corner, and well, it is hot today. It is 93 right now. Tomorrow, fall will arrive...high of 72. haha